PROFILE PICS

Yes I need to change my profile pic often on Facebook, because it scares the children.

Question

Can a vampire take a picture of himself in a mirror to put on Facebook?

Knowledge Is Power

I would share my vast knowledge about the universe with you, but that wouldn't take long.

Pale Face

We used to sing a song, "One little, two little, three little Indians, four little, five little, six little Indians........" In our politically correct time we live in, should we sing, " One little, two little, three little Native Americans.....that is not catchy at all.

Smarter With Time?

Life has a way of teaching us lessons we don't want to learn. I have had times when I would rather stay ignorant.

My smiling bear picture

I love this guy. He always tries to muster a smile for anyone taking his picture. Does anyone else enjoy this? I know I do.

Next time

How many times have we used the phrase, "Next time" I am going to ....... Nope if you were going to do it at all, you already would have. Now is the time! This is the place!
Wait a minute I forgot what I was trying to say. You wait till your 50, then you will understand.

Cats

For you, GLP
I read where someone said they hate cats, and they said if they stared them in the eyes long enough they will run away. I guess it is a matter of superior intelligence over inferior intelligence but all I know is I cannot do that cause when I stare at them I get an overwhelming desire for catnip and start coughing up fur balls.

Hot Cars!

My air conditioner does not work in my car and we have been having record heat lately so I have been wondering if I panned some dough could I make bread while I am in the parking lot at work? I might even open a bakery and sell from my trunk. No, literally from my trunk ;)

Time

Time has a way of slipping away, much like money. Is that why they say, "Time is money"

Chillin

Is it wrong to want to wear sandals with socks? Have the fashion Police all gone mad? I know I would have never done that when I was younger, but now that I am age challenged ;) I just smile and watch them stare at my feet. At least I am comfortable.

Aging with Grace

To be compared to cheese or a fine wine when someone is referring to your progression in years isn't really a compliment. Those things just make some people fat and drunk. I would rather be likened to Rice Crispies cause I hear that Snap Crackle Pop Every time I get out of my chair!

Stretch

Do you ever feel like a rubber band being stretched beyond it's limit and about to burst? Stress has a funny way of malforming us and stretching us in ways that we do not enjoy, but if we can still bounce back with a little pep in our step, and don't snap someone up side the head (no matter how enjoyable that would be) we will find ourselves back in shape, unless we are like our waistbands on Thanksgiving after dinner (<:

Kinda Like

Kinda like! I have heard this expression many times in my life. It is OK unless someone is comparing you to Earnest T. Bass. But then again "You ain't seen the last of.....
Old man humor. Kids that was when black white and gray were the colors on our Television.

Stepping High

Bless The Lord! And all that is within me, bless His Holy name!
We all could use some help choosing what steps to take. Let's just remember He is with us.

THROW THOSE PANTS AWAY!

How many times have we refused to throw away those old pants that we can't squeeze into anymore cause we might lose weight and can fit into them again? Really? You think? I have a few pairs, that if I could get into them,the button would become a lethal weapon, if God forbid it was to break off!

Pluto, just a Disney Character

Ok, who else is ticked off that Pluto is no longer considered a planet? The scientists now consider that it is just a ball of gas, and is no more than a large star! If that is so then those that know me can call me a star. Gas Humor, nothing better if your 5. Enjoy, little tykes.

50 Boo Hoo

Has your get up and go, got up and went? Does your liver quiver? Does your ying feel like it's being stomped by your yang? (Whatever those are) Has your pep left your step?
If so, you might be over 50. It doesn't mean the end of the world, it just feels like it.

Back To School

Why is that the lists for school supplies get longer every year, when the income gets smaller? Kids already need wheels on their book bags just to prevent spine damage from carrying those heaps of books that they rarely open.

Froggie

Somewhere there are multitudes of amputated frogs, judging from the buffet selections. Tastes like chicken they say, but then doesn't everything except chicken nuggets?

HIGH SCHOOL REUNION!!!!

It is quite bewildering to tell your co-workers that you are about to have a High School reunion, commemorating a graduation year before they were born. Time is often a cruel taskmaster!
I don't want to ask anyone if I look old, because I appreciate honesty, and I still look better than Keith Richards...... or do I? Wait I said I appreciate honesty, ohhhhh, OK, This time you can lie if you want, just don't tell anyone.

Marshmallows

You know life is linda like a marshmallow, cause it is sometimes sweet, sometimes light, sometimes soft and cuddly, and when put to the fire and smothered in chocalate and crammed between two hard places at once, namely graham crackers, we often say Please sir, may I have some more!!!!! I do love smores (<:

Ouch

I read a T Shirt the other day that read, Pain is weakness leaving the body. If that is so, I must be the weakest man alive. Retail + Tax Free Wekend = Pain, Sore Feet, Frayed Nerves
This too shall pass!

Speed Demon

Alright, I know that when your young you tend to give that car a little too much gas, just to hear those tires screech, but when you get older, you just seem to slow down too much and infuriate all those behind you as you continue to cruise down the road with that left turn signal flashing for all it's worth. But then again I think it might be a frightening sight to see Grandpa burning rubber while blasting Lawrence Welk out the windows!

Hungry?

Is it true that your elbow is connected directly to your mouth, cause it seems that when at the table when my elbow bends, my mouth automatically flies open!

Whoah! Slow down my friends

When we are coasting down lifes highway with our minds in Nuetral, we miss too many life signs along the way. The Stop sign is one we need to obey when life is going too fast. Stop and smell the roses they say, but I prefer the Coffee. Ok, I know that caffeine can be a bother but it is my drug of choice (<: :>)

Step by step

Having big feet are great sometimes. My Dad always told me I would have been 7 foot tall if half my leg hadn't turned up to be a foot! But hey, if I lose my skis, I can still stay on top the water, with my built in pair.

Life just isn't fair

We all know that we get shorter as we age. Just the time that we need longer arms to be able to read things they are just getting shorter.

Me thinks too much

For You, string Bean,
My friend often says, A mind is a terrible thing! Think about it.
Mind over matter. If you don't mind, it don't matter.

Good Medicine

The Word says that a merry heart does good like a medicine! I wish YOU ALL a Hillarius Day!!!
No, I will not bill you for that one.

Morning

Life has a way of changing our vocabulary. Instead of waking up and saying Good morning Lord, we often say, Good Lord, Morning?

WILD MAN

Is it weird that taking a spin in the minivan while drinking a Red Bull is now wild to us?

NASCAR

Am I the only one that uses Nascar as a sleep aid? Something about watching a constant left turn for hundreds of miles just puts me out. It's OK, that's what the news is for, to find out who won while I was sawing logs. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Forgetting Something?

The older I get, the more I figure out the mysteries of life, then I forget them. I think gray hair is due to the gray matter leaching out into the hair, leaving me, wait I forgot what I was....

Birthdays

Birthdays are depressing sometimes, but hey if you wake up that morning on the right side of the grass, I guess it could be worse, Huh?

Geography Lessons

Hey guys, if you want a fun and exciting way to teach children Geography just take a map of the world to WalMart a stocking time and read on the boxes where the product was made! The USA will be there somewhere, and to avoid unwated questions as to where or why, just tell them they are on the bottom of the pallet.

Three...Four...Five...

If two is company
And three is a crowd
Then is four a nuisance?

Lights of Rome

A Minister friend of mine was quoted as saying:
I have seen the lights of France, I have seen the lghts of Rome.
The most beautiful lights are the tail lights of the car taking my Grandkids back home!

Sirens

You might be getting older when all those sirens from those high speed chases you have been hearing at night is really tinnitus. Oh, to hear Sam play it again!

Boxes

Am I the only one who is annoyed that I have to turn the box to find the English instructions and features?

Yikes

If you are only as old as you feel, I better get more life insurance.

B-Days

Birthdays are a great excuse to act like a child, eat like a pig, hang out with the family, and try to forget, wait I forgot, oh, how old you really are!

THE OLD MAN

The toddly old man came through the doors of the health club and slowing crept up tothe counter and asked the receptionist for a membership application. His wrinkled brow lifted as he squenched enough to read the fine print and slowly with his crooked fingers held the pen and gingerly filled it out and turned it in with his crinkled 100 dollar bill he pulled from his wrinkled stained pockets. The assistant took him by the hand as he held on to hs cane a lumbered overto the scales where she was astonished when she observed he was 50ponds overweight. She asked him about his lifesyle, and he said, I smoke 4 packs of cigarettes every day, I am romantically active and don't believe in well.. you know, and I drink whiskey, wine, beer and even occasionally moonshine when I can find it. The assistant marvelled as she listened to the ramblings of the old man as he swayed back and forth narrowly missing the corner of the cabinet with his head. In a hurry to get the old man some help, she asked him, sir you forgot to fill out your age on our form, now how old are you? The old man replied 27

AS OLD AS YOU FEEL

Don't keep asking us if we feel any older when we have a birthday. We feel fine, strong and full of #$&*#@ and vinegar and can take you on at any time. Now go away, I can't find my cane and my hip just slipped out again.

Job

Have you ever prayed for patience? If so, did you say I want it now?

Rain Rain Go Away

Remember singing in the yard during that summer shower, "Rain, Rain, Go Away! Come again some other day!" Well we have had so much rain lately that if it all came again at a later day, Noah would have to start sharpening his saws.

I need a raise

If I had a raise I could adopt the philosophy of my Government who in the last 100 days has spent more money and left as much debt as has accumilated over the last 200 years!
Oh, to have that much money that I could spend. Wait, I too would probably just give it away, well some of it after I filled my gas tank.

Thrift Stores

Buying things from the thrift stores is kinda like buying a used car. Someone has already kicked the tires before you. Saves a lot of shoe wear! Oh, and you can buy shoes there too. Love cowboy boots with the pointed toes. They are great for killing roaches in the corner. Splat :>)

Smile

I once knew a man who could stretch a dollar so well that you could drive a Greyhound bus between the gap in George Washington's front teeth.

Pearly Whites!

You are only as old as you feel.........................
When you are digging your false teeth out of the jar!